3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING
QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A
PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks,
making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I
translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning
operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for
three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trombone playing. I can
pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I
cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in
stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once
single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from
a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello...I am the
subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large
suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang-gliding. On
Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of
charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless
bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy
evening wear. I don't perspire, I am a private citizen, yet I
receive fan mail...Last summer I toured New Jersey with a
travelling centrifugal force demonstration...My deft floral
arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly
accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David
Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire
dining room that evening. I have performed several covert
operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I
sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully
negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small
bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact
origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to
write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using
only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I
have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri
Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I
have performed open heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.