What's a rant about flying without bitching about crammed spaces, too much waiting, shitty meals, blah blah blah

I was actually having a good day
Until my encounter with a fat lady who was spilling over onto my $400 seat. Now, had this been a gentleman, perhaps this would have been easier, perhaps this would not have happened at all...

*sigh*
here I go being really fucking insensitive...

She was a fat lady (don't care what the appropriate vernacular is), and she was taking up a portion of my seat and the only way I could fit into 18B was if I held my arms up and twisted sideways. "I'm so sorry", she apologized. I felt really really bad.  I guess it's hard to admit to yourself that you can not fit into an airplane seat (I imagined how I would feel if I couldn't fit into clothing with a single-digit size). I tried my best to be sensitive (not something I ever do). I tried my best to suck it up... the super-tall, somewhat wide man sitting in the aisle seat put up his arm rest and I snugly fit somewhere in his armpit as his legs spilled over into the aisle (somehow I foresaw the issues we would encounter every time the stewardess with the cart was going to pass by).

This was NOT my fault, I didn't mean to start anything, but I couldn't endure this flight in this position.... sorry. People in the next aisle started giving us suggestions on how we can switch places for a better fit, the plane is packed, ready to take off, taxiing to the runway....

I paid for a WHOLE seat, the man next to me paid for a whole seat... this means I would like to have the liberty of using the entire seat and perhaps even the arm rest or two. Being squashed between two very warm bodies is not something I signed up for when deciding to fly to an already very warm place. I stand up....

The stewardesses come over and try to sort things out. They raise their voices. The man chimes in with some harsh remarks about not being able to work on his laptop. The lady in the opposite row who can barely fit into her seat starts speaking up against the airline industry who is now involved in a conspiracy to "shrink" "larger" individuals. The fat lady is about to cry. Why couldn't I just sit in the guy's armpit?

Now he is mouthing off to fat lady number 2, half a dozen people are standing up, some are starting to argue between themselves, some are getting up and offering to play musical chairs with us so that at least the fat lady and large/tall man are not in the same row, we are in line for take off...

There was a seat open in first class (business class?) and since we were about to take off, they didn't hesitate to move the lady there to dissipate the drama. I'm sure if we were still at the gate, they would have made her pay the difference.

I looked up some stuff online when I got home... apparently the "larger" people are trying to get airlines to install larger seats (many have made seats a bit larger, but what's a half inch to a 300 pound person?). I'm guessing the even larger seats will make tickets more expensive... well, I want them to install skinny seats at well for half the price, we can use those for skinny people and children, and keep the regular seats at regular price, then you can choose the size of your seat, and it would save people with lots of kids some money. There are also a lot of people out there who think that airlines shouldn't make larger people pay for a "second seat" because that is discriminatory. And what, just let them spill over onto a seat that someone else pays for? Give away a seat? Sure, I can see the airlines giving away free seats left and right! They're giving us bags of pretzels for "meals" these days! If they are getting a free seat because they are fat, I'm getting a free seat too, and so is the super-tall man!

When you book a flight, look at it as if you are renting a roughly 20x30 inch space to cram yourself into for however many hours. That space costs x amount of dollars. If I don't like this and put my feet in the aisle, lean on the person next to me or insist on holding my parakeet cage on my lap, people will think I am being rude and I will be asked to stop because I am intruding onto the space they "rented" for the duration of the flight. Why is it not the same thing if you can not fit into the 20x30 space? Why is that discrimination?

I went to the post office the other day to mail a package... it didn't fit into the standard box, so they charged me more because the thing was too long. Airlines do the same... if your carry-on does not fit into the thingie at check-in you're not taking it on the fucking plane. If you have more than one bag to check in, you pay more. If your bag weighs too much, you pay more. Now, we need to put an airplane seat at check in as well. If you don't fit into this seat, you will have to travel business class or buy two seats. Had my flight been full, where the hell was I going to sit? Standard seats have been the same size for years... apparently around 18 inches. Most people will fit into this, but if you don't (kinda like my oversized package), pay the OVERSIZE fee, or make yourself smaller. Period. How many sumo wrestlers do you think bitch to the airlines? NFL and NBA players? People with gigantism? Mr. Olympia?! Didn't think so!

Some articles I found:
Sliding Scale Plane Seats from HalfBakery.com
The Shrinking Airline Seat
Vikar's Rant