Really Long Acrylic Nails... I thought these went out of style a decade ago. Ladies... they look like fucking claws, and unless you have impeccable hygiene, you become a walking petri dish for all kinds of things...  plus every time you get your hands dirty, some of the dirt always manages to stay behind, so now you have Tabasco, shampoo, cream cheese from your bagel and some boy’s ejaculate traveling with you as you make you daily rounds.... i’m gonna go vomit now... be right back...

Muffin-tops, camel-toes, beer-bellies, nut-huggers, ass-cleavage and any other example of clothes not fitting properly. If it’s too tight, you need a bigger size. If you’re not sure, check for pieces of flesh hanging out of the top of your pants.... there shouldn’t be any from the front, sides or back. If you can clearly see the outlines of your genitalia: bigger size IMMEDIATELY! You might just cut off circulation to something. Clothes can also be too big, or just the wrong fit... if it falls off every third step, get rid of it and wear something that doesn’t require you to hold it up. Something with a belt maybe.... or straps. If you don’t have a supermodel body.... perfectly OK... but dress it appropriately! People these days just make me wonder....

Furry-folk. Yes, I realize genetics are to blame... but if any part of you looks like chewbacca, please use this link to find a waxer nearby... or if you don’t feel like being quite so adventurous... razor and shaving cream will do just fine... and here you are, all ready for the beach!

Really big boobs... I swear I never thought I would find myself saying this. But the surgeon who gave the 95 pound girl those double Ds should just be set on fire or something... I mean, she didn’t just have ripples in them, these were freaking WAVES... she should be banished to a closed porn set and never let out, IMHO

Girls who have no idea how to apply fake eyelashes... and apply them on the middle of the freaking eyelid paired with a thick line of eyeliner to attempt to cover up the fact that they have really bad aim. THEN there’s the ones who get the really really super long/thick ones that look just icky unless you are a fashion model for dolce & gabbana... and by no circumstance are you to apply the ones that look like feathers UNLESS you are dressing up as a peacock. Now that we have the fake eyelash rules established... I need to spend a lot less time in strip clubs....