I made a New Year’s resolution, quite a few months back...

“The next guy I wake up sleep with, I will give a fuck about” I decided at the stroke of midnight, January 1, 2008*. A whole new year ahead, to be a whole new me. Yes, this is the same resolution I make every year, but I was sure that this time it would somehow be different. I can resolve to “fall in love”, but that would be way too Carrie Bradshaw, and I don’t “fall in love”... at least not in a predictable manner, so intending to have meaningful sex with boys that actually mean something to me seemed like a doable alternative....

About 3 hours into the new year, I totally fucked that up... Damn.

About 3 weeks into the new year, I fucked that up further by pursuing meaningless sex with someone who actually meant something to me (not sure what at this point, but something I STILL can’t define or rationalize)... which proved to be a less than desireable combination because my mind kept wandering off onto topics I would have rather not explored while very naked, very underneath him (e.g. his last girlfriend)... otherwise a completely yummy experience...

About 3 months into the new year, I tried to correct my previous mistakes by having meaningful sex wih someone who meant nothing to me (What logic!)... I finally found a guy that was perfect in every way... except for the part that I just didn’t give a fuck about him... so I figured I’d attempt to convince myself that I did... a plan that has failed me more than once in the previous years, but nontheless, I tried. Continued to do so for months until I got tired of lying to myself/ he turned into a prick/ I fucked boy previously mentioned/ I moved out.

Lessons Learned:

• To get over somebody, get under someone else: DOES NOT WORK.
• Pretending to care about someone DOES NOT actually make you care about that person.
• Pretending to NOT CARE about someone you care about is a lot easier said than done.
• It is inevitable that you will want someone that DOES NOT want you.
• As soon as you write off a guy as “NOT INTERESTED”, he will prove you wrong.
• People ARE NEVER straight forward with how they feel or what they want.
• I am NEVER straight forward with how I feel or what I want... usually because it takes me a while to REALIZE what the hell I feel or want...

What’s his name says I need to date more people....
Taking his advice and inviting disaster...
Stay tuned...

* I also resolved to NOT move to Vegas... again.