“it’s a tough industry, modeling” someone said to me earlier today.... he was right, but he got me to think, what’s not? What is an “easy” industry? If you’re a plumber, you gotta work your ass off. If you’re in real estate, you gotta work your ass off, toll booth money collector guy... maybe not super hard... but chances are he has a second job. No matter where you turn, you have to put in a fair share of work to barely make ends meet. In every discipline, the only constant is busting your ass to get anywhere near “average”, the variable being how much “busting ass”, “kissing ass”, and “kicking ass” you choose or get the opportunity to do....

Nothing is “easy” these days... but I guess nothing ever really was... it just looked that way when mom and dad went to work and came home with enough money to feed, clothe, educate, entertain and shelter our 5 person family + dog. We went places pretty often: a museum trip, a park, road trips, nature hikes, and all that other stuff children can’t stand. Life seemed “carefree”... and this is probably the first time I’ve used the word “carefree” in a sentence without a drop of sarcasm or reference to gum.

You have to be more “sure” about everything than you were before, because there is more at stake. More time, more money, more risk... sometimes for a career that may or may not happen, pay off or deliver. Choices are harder. There is no “which is the best” anymore... we now choose between “awful, more awful and even more awful” finally settling for something we can stand just enough to be able to fake a smile every time we get a 24 cent raise while our rent increased $250.... and that is AFTER we get that degree thingie that took howevermany years and cost howevermuch money we never really had to begin with... I can’t be sure about the soap I pick for my kitchen, so I buy 2 different kinds. I can’t just get 2 diplomas and 2 careers and then pick which I like better! I am held back by my uncertainty... and more recently a great deal of doubt of what the hell it is that I want that thingie on the wall to say. All star procrastinator? I swear, I came out of the womb with a Master’s in Fucking Shit Up... but in all seriousness... what now? Continue going where I am, and proceed to be a lab rat for the rest of my life? Spend eternity decanting and dividing in a the world full of beakers and vile smelling liquids? I feel like I am going to be trapped in the left hemisphere of my brain for the rest of my life... and unless I somehow, by mistake cure cancer, I will end up with a salary I can exceed by working at a bar....

But I guess every “young person” goes through this “phase”... one they eventually snap out of, finish school, get a job and then spend their weeknights on instant messenger bitching to ME about how they hate their life and I “got it made” because I don’t really have one...

Encouraging...

This is like a direct order to NOT listen to parents and encourage people to spend their lives “discovering themselves”... but then again, if all people spend their lives “discovering themselves” our society would crumble... after all... a greater percentage of the world must be miserable in order for things to run somewhat smoothly... too many happy people might result in anarchy! or world peace! which wouldn’t be profitable...... but I digress.....