Note: This is my somewhat lengthy "About Me" from my old MySpace profile... every year I write a new one and since so many people complemented me on this one in the few months it was up, I thought I'd put it here rather than delete it. Some of the quotes I used I kinda made up (some of the graphics as well), others I heard before or seen online and dared to steal.

Enjoy!

not that you give a shit, but I’m a Capricorn
i didn’t give a shit either until I started reading my horoscope a lil bit ago
so far i've liked everything it had to say
i love being blonde
and I tend to spend a little too much time in the gym
i get annoyed by people who can’t spell,
can’t drive and/or have the IQ of a doorknob

(if you haven't noticed it yet)
i think i look better when i'm tan
and when i wear white
and when my shoes have sparkles
and i'm miserable when i don't diet
(yes i know that defines "eating disorder")
complete contradiction:

a man can be good looking
a man can be a good lover
a man can have a well-paying job
a man can be honest
a man can be intelligent
but no man can be more than 3 of the above
the few exceptions to the above rule i've already been acquainted with

peanut m&m's are a 7 on the happiness scale
65% of men are somewhere around a 5
...which usually decreases at least 2 points if they get me drunk
sometimes I put make up on for no apparent reason
and bubble baths make me feel pretty
and i don't get people who sing in the shower
i tried it once, almost drowned
i never told anyone, but I killed a cactus

i wish when girls hated me, they would submit a reason
and i'm just not a phone person
it doesn't mean i don't like you
if you need me, text me, just like everyone else
i think every man should own a screwdriver
and every woman should own a vibrator
every woman should also own a black lace bra

you can never own too many pairs of comfy pants
and i will never get sick of house music
or sprite zero
and i only really need 3 things in my life
love to make me weak
alcohol to make me strong
and friends to pick me up when the first two knock me down
you only get a say in my hair color if you're my parent or spouse

not importance
and whatever bathroom cleaning product you use
must match the color of the shower gel
and sugar daddies are an acceptable carb source
and don't you dare tell me otherwise
and pistachios are only good if they're unsalted
and lingerie is fucking awesome....
more awesome if you have someone to wear it for
even more awesome if they DO rip it to shreds

a man should always open the door
and a man should always pay for dinner
and a man should never ASK for a kiss
men shouldn't ASK. period.
want it? take it

my keyboard lights up... it's pretty
and i really do have an awesome ass...
no matter how much i complain about it being too big
alcohol is useless unless you need something to be sterile
drugs are overrated
and at some point i did a lot of them:
can’t remember most of it...
but it looks like i was enjoying myself in most of the pictures

and i hate confrontations
i'd rather move cross country than fight with someone: true story
you can never own too many pairs of white pants
or nike shox
and people that don't learn from their mistakes
are bound to repeat them
What if I got my tongue pierced again?

sometimes i like kisses better than hugs
and sometimes a kiss is just a kiss
and sometimes I smile for no reason
but it just means I’m thinking of something nice
and it is imperative that a guy know how to kiss
[if i never called you back, now you know why]
on that note, i hate it when a boy slobbers in my ear
*ick*

i've always wanted to make out in the rain
volunteers?
love is matter of chemistry
sex is a matter of physics
if it becomes a matter of biology
you fucked up
64% of my bookmarks appear to be porn

and one drop of lube is enough to cover your entire bedroom, bathroom, parts of your kitchen, rear-view mirror, and keyboard of laptop you purchased a week after the lube was initially used
and webcams can be fun if used properly
and some mistakes are too fun to only make once
and if i annoy you
you can tell me to go fuck myself
and i rarely do legs.... really

my life is not complete without a stairmill
or a george forman grill
but only if it's one of those cute little ones
never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have
feed the homeless
don't give them money
forgive people who fucked you over
without forgiveness
there isn't more to life than resentment and retaliation
believe in something
doesn't really matter what it is

i like pigtails
i think they're sexy
fiber is good
sodium is bad
smores are yummy
and cream cheese is just plain gross

... they're pretty
and i'd never watch a scary movie alone
and you should never go into a hug off balance
and you should never fall for someone
who isn't willing to catch you
[figure that one out, tell me how]

like me? tell me
leaving a comment on a picture of my ass doesn't count
i don't remember the last time i had a candle lit dinner...
actually i do, but would rather not think about it
and a man should never smell like green apple or wear pink
and if you've slept with a third of the female population of the tristate area
go away
i don't like drama
but i also hate being bored
i hate it when things are too easy
and i hate it when a guy calls me a dozen times a day
don't chase me
i will only run in circles
and watch you get dizzy and fall on your face trying to catch me
and i think there really should be a manual to date me...

i like extremes
i overdo things
or i underdo things
i can never just do things
maybe one day....
and i like plans
and lists
and notes
it gives me the illusion that my life is organized and i control it
no matter how hard you try to plan your life
life has a plan for you on its own
if you can accept this, tell me how
wouldn't it be kinda cool to fuck on the ceiling?

[the only kind of relationship that works is one where you don't want anyone else]
i say fuck a lot
and cock
and shit
and if it offends you
or your offspring
go fuck yourself
i have 2 tattoos... good thing i can't see either one of them
sometimes i regret what i did
sometimes i regret what i said
sometimes i regret what i didn't do or didn't say
but at the end of the day
there's nothing more to do than get over it and go on with my life
NOTE TO SELF: do not sleep with boy next door

wants are a different story
don't take things for granted
what if there was no tomorrow?
don't worry abut the people in your past
there's a reason they don't make it to your future
people you love WILL disappoint you
the more people you love, the less the percentage
my shrink thinks i'm nuts... o well
the 1st and 6th edition of a calculus textbook differ only in the arrangement of material, font, cover and about $100

Mars is closer to the sun than Venus
if you don't see a problem with the previous statement
leave my profile NOW!
i've made boys cry
but boys made cry as well
guess we can call it even

some days i just want someone to fall asleep with
some days i just want someone to fuck my brains out and leave immediately
the statements above depend on the "someone" rather than the "day"
you can never have too many pillows, even if you can't fit them all on your bed
and there is nothing wrong with some Taco Bell once in a while
and i get annoyed when the trash is overflowing
and the dishes aren't done
and you should always give people something to talk about
better than them making shit up
and smokers are gross. period.

and there is a huge difference between [boytoy] and [fuckbuddy]
i might not know exactly what makes me happy
but i sure do know what doesn't
guess figuring out the rest shouldn't be rocket science....
grapefruit jellybeans are yummy
licorice jellybeans are gross
and a bed should never be placed under a skylight
there is intelligent life in the universe: our planet is not an example of such
i was amused by an animated gif earlier today....


you can never be too blonde
you can never be too rich
guys can be "too big" and "too tall"
[never thought i would hear myself saying that]
i am me
take it or leave it
i say what i think
i mean what i say

love me
hate me
i really don't give a shit

over the years i haven't changed
i grew up
there's a difference
i still [heart] barbie
and i still don't know how to take a compliment
and sometimes i can't stand what i see in the mirror
but don't we all?

i still fall in love with imperfections
and i still never eat at the kitchen table
still like to stay up all night
even if i'm just home
all by myself
i still believe that people are good
and that's what always ends up biting me in the ass

i still try to do something productive every day
and i still love post-its
and sometimes songs make me cry
and sometimes people do
and sushi is yummy
and i still try to fix everyone and everything
but that's just the way i am
and sometimes i make up words
and hope that one day one man will show me that they are not all the same
few people really KNOW me...
even less understand me...
NOTE TO SELF: appreciate the previously mentioned individuals

i like my hair pulled
and a man must have a nice ass
what goes around
DOES come back around
repeatedly
and i don't think i have a single pair of "appropriate" high heels in my closet at the moment
time to go shopping
you can never fail if you don't try
but you can never get anything done either
so go ahead and try...
and fail...
and destroy all evidence that you tired...
and start over

money isn't a turn on
its just something you use to buy shit
[love me for my mind]
when something is wrong, speak up
i never did, but i'm working on it
and i like nine inch nails and tiesto
and i hate lying
it takes way too much energy to tell people what they want to hear
fuck that

[don't ask me to tie you up]
i'm picky, not indecisive
indecisive people piss me off
and i hate being lied to
and i hate that sometimes you have no choice
and i hate teal
and superman has red panties
nd the easiest way to not disappoint someone is to never make them any promises
i [suck] at reading people sometimes
and sometimes i just want to be alone
and i can't stand it when people assume i'm a dumbass based on my appearance
[fuck you]

i don't wish life had a rewind button
but instant-replay or pause would be nice
be careful with people's hearts
hope they are careful with yours
cry
because sometimes you need to
talk about your problems
forget your breakups
remember falling in love
move on
letting go is easier than holding on to something that isn't there
take pictures
love your parents
maybe they did the best they could
maybe they didn't
love them anyway
don't settle for something you don't want
be careful with what you wish for
and don't ever try to change people
eventually you realize who matters
who never did
who won't matter anymore and who always will

some people are better friends than lovers
some friendships are better broken than fixed
some voice mails are better off deleted
and some calls are better off never returned
batteries are NEVER included
and sometimes you just need a hug
to make it all better
*hug*

i used to write people off for the stupidest shit...
if i did it to you, the best i can do now is apologize
if that's not good enough
[o well]